Working

Wow it has been a long time since I sat down to blog.  I just do not seem to have the time now that I work 5 days a week.  After the majority of my 25 years of marriage being a stay at home mom, this has been a HUGE change.  Thankfully I do have every other Friday off to play catch up on my house, bills, shopping, etc.  And so here I sit playing catch on for my blog.

My mom will be coming in on Monday for a 2 week visit.  She wants to get away and enjoy some quiet time.  For the most part my house is pretty much silent during the day since no one is home!  I am hoping she will come with me a couple of days so we hang out.

We are struggling with where to attend church.  I so much need to "belong" somewhere!  It has been years since we were really involved in a church community.  We have been to a couple of different churches over the last a most year and still do not feel the right fit.  Tomorrow we are going to a different one and praying our puzzle piece is a match.  It is just so hard living so far away from a church and trying to be involved.  I know why they used to have churches in every community.

After the last year dealing with the stress of not knowing if Bob would have a job, we would have a place to live, and watching our son go through some rough times, I am realizing I need to start taking care of me.  I need to get plugged into a woman's group at a church and start processing the last year.

We are still praying about how God can use us.  We felt lead to Bethany for the refugee program and went through the training and then were put on hold due to Kory's crisis.  Not sure if that is the path we are suppose to take or not.  Looking for a sign from above.  Bob has felt lead to mentor one of the guys at work who is going through the program.  I met him yesterday and he shared that Bob has been a major blessing in his life.  I am so glad that God is using Bob to bless this young guy.

Well since I started out saying how much I needed to accomplish today I probably should get to it!

Happiness

We back from a 10 day trip to Florida and I am soooooo exhausted.  I didn't even get off the plane when I had voice messages of appointments for the that very day.  We hit the road and I never stopped until late Monday night.  Then I worked on Tuesday and today is my first time to just sit and catch my breath.

We flew into Punta Gorda and my dad picked up us.  We stayed there for one night and then drove to Orlando for 7 days.  Our passes allowed us to go to Universal, Islands of Adventure, Sea World and Aquatica.  It was VERY hot the whole time and we went none stop. 

This photo is at CityWalk's Margaritaville.  After spending the day at Universal we went back and got refreshed and came back to go out and have a few drinks and dinner.  Then we spent some time listening to live music and watching the break dancers.  Kory was in heaven watching the DJ spin the music.  It would be his dream to do that as long he would not have to speak.

We had a good time and enjoyed the rides and shows.  The highlight of the whole time was when my parents came up and we went to Sea World.  Kim did an interactive program with the Beluga Whales and had a great time.  We all were able to watch her and it was so cool.  I watched her light up for the first time in so long.  I pray that this gave her the desire to pursue marine biology.

Speaking of lighting up.....I guess that was what Bob and I felt was missing from this vacation.  When the kids were younger they seemed to enjoy everything so much more.  Kinda like Christmas when they are young and the magic of Santa is still there.  It was different to only have 2 of the kids too.  Still adjusting to the whole married daughter :)
All you ever want for your kids is to be happy.  We talk with them when they are babies and get them to smile, we play with them when they are toddlers and get a giggle, we spend time with them as they grow and make memories.  It all seems to have changed now and I don't feel like I can "make" my children happy anymore.  I know each of us is responsible for our own happiness and I have to trust that one day each one of my children will be able to choose to enjoy their life and make the most of it.

Vacation

The countdown is on....we leave in 3 days for a family vacation to Florida.  It will be the first time that we have ever flown anywhere all together.  It will be Kory's very first time to fly.  Kristin and David will be staying here at the house and taking care of the dogs and chickens. 

I am so looking forward to no cooking or cleaning or anything but fun!  We have 7 day passes for Universal Studios, Islands of Adventure, Sea World, and Aquatica (a new water park with Sea World).  The hotel is like a small condo with 2 bedrooms and a full kitchen so there will be plenty of room. 

My parents will be coming up one day to go to Sea World with us. Kim is going to swim with the Beluga Whales while at Sea World.  Hopefully it will help her decide if she indeed wants to study marine biology. 

All that said I am nervous about a "vacation" because it seems that we always end up having some sort of melt down while we are suppose to be enjoying ourselves.  Maybe things will be different this time around since we have learned alot about how aspergers have effected our family.  Bob and Kory both struggle with change and mostly when it is out of their control.  Being on vacation leads to doing things on the fly and not having a regular schedule thus creating anxiety.  So the plan is going to be to sit down and have a daily meeting to come up a plan so everyone can be more relaxed. 

We now have a case manager through the county and are working on goals.  One of those goals is for Kory to successfully graduate from college.  We have a family support coordinator that is meeting with Kory and us to work on different challenges.  The coordinator will be going to the college with Kory to meet with his advocate and come up a list of things that will enable him to be successful.  She has been so beneficial already just by sharing with all of us about sensory issues.  It has made us all aware of problems each one of deal with. 

And you want to know what a small world we live in?  Kory's counselor knows this family supports coordinator.  They went to school together and are on the same page with therapies.  When I found this out I knew God had sent us in the right direction to obtain services through both the counselor and the county.  I am looking forward to goals reached and this new knowledge to be used for positive changes.

Friendship

I just had a great week in Florida getting to spend some quality time with my parents and brother. 
We went to Siesta Key Beach and got to enjoy the 85 degree gulf and the HOT sun and sand. 

I also got to visit with a girl friend that I have only seen a few times in the last 14 1/2 years.  I find it so interesting how you can still connect with friends after all that time.  We used to be very close and attended the same church when we lived in Florida.  Our children were about the same age.  I ended up working for her as a dental assistant.  We were besties.  It was so good to be able to sit and catch up with each other's lives. 

One week prior to going to Florida I also got to spend a few days with another bestie from Tennessee.  We have been gone from there for 10 years and we can pick things right back up like no time has ever passed.  So many things have happened in both our lives during those 10 years.  We each have grown from our experiences, yet we seem to be the same when we are together. 

It has been several years and several moves since I have had a bestie.  There are times when I feel so isolated.  I had always made my connections with people through my children when we homeschooled and belonged to a homeschool group, or we met people through church.  Our church is 40 minutes away now and I do not feel like putting forth the effort to get involved.

I pondered the whole friendship thing on my trip home and realized that I am at a different place in my life now as are my children.  Kristin and I have a new relationship and today she is my bestie.  It is hard to think that 10 years ago we were at odds since I was the "mom".

It is the ever "Long and Winding Road"!

Concert

Yesterday I went with Kristin, Kim and her friend to the country's biggest country music festival right here in Martin, MI. I do not listen to country on a regular basis, but I do like some of the artists and songs. We got up at the crack of dawn so we could be there when the parking lot opened so that we then could stand in line for an hour before the gates opened.

Once inside everyone scrambled for a place to plant their chairs. Then we waited another 1 1/2 hours for the concert to begin. The sun was pretty intense all day even though they had called for rain in the afternoon. We all were very thankful for sunscreen that when applied every 2 hours like the new postings are telling you really do work!!

It was a great day to just relax with the girls. The entertainment all around us was quite interesting as well. It was announced in the evening "that today more beer was consumed than both days put together last year." Needless to say there were some pretty wasted people.

We left just before the concert ended and then sat in a MAJOR traffic jam for almost 2 hours without moving. It was getting really frustrating since we were hungry, hot, dirty, and tired. Finally as traffic began to move I convinced a car in front of us to turn around and go another way and then I was freed up to move and we escaped the gridlock.

Small world

Today I decided that since I was home I would be able to attend counseling with Kory.  Before we went I had some errands to run, so we headed out early.  As usual I did most of the talking while we were driving.  I talked about his college plans and how to use the college resources to the fullest.  I shared about how volunteering or getting an internship would be so helpful once you graduate since everyone wants you to have experience along with a degree.  I mentioned talking with the college to see if he could help in the theater department.  I would occasionally ask a question and get an "I don't know". 

So I go in with him to talk with the counselor and tell her all about how Kory now has a "Supports Coordinator" through his case manager with our county.  I explained the process we had gone through the week before when having our first meeting with her.  Part of the process what to come up with a list of things you are good at (being the green things) and a list of things that challenge you (being the pink things).  The counselor mentioned that she knows of this type of goal planning because her friend has written a book about this.  Later in the conversation I told her the Supports Coordinator's name and she said that was her friend that wrote the book!  We all laughed at what a small world we live in. 

I had shared with the Supports Coordinator that I knew God had to be part of putting this together because it was the first time I felt so positive about the direction things were moving.  She shared with us that she works with churches and is a Christian and wanted to know if she was free to share that.  I just about jumped up and down!!  Yes this is the piece that has been missing...God!

How cool is it that everyone is going to be on the same page with assisting Kory to gain his goals of finishing college and becoming more independent.  All I can say is, thank you God.

Being out all day in the 60 degree rainy weather made me feel so sad for the poor kids who are at camp this week.  It seems like every single year we would have gorgeous weather prior to the first week of camp, but then it would take a nose dive and the poor kids would freeze to death.   I pray it warms up so they can enjoy their time.
Here is a photo from last year of Kim and Tori hanging out before the talent show.

Kory is going to volunteer to run the sound during the talent show each week out at Camp O'Malley where Kim is working.  He also was feeling very left out of not being part of camp for the summer.  Prayerfully that will work out and he will enjoy it.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away

This week our weather went from being 95 degrees for 2 days in a row to 60 degrees and storming.  It feels like my life!  Change...........something that seems to be one consistent thing in my life. Just when one thing seems to fall into place another one drops out of the sky. 

My week started out so great with beautiful summer weather and the news we have been waiting for about our status for where we will be living.  It looks like we will be able to stay in the house for at least the next year which is a huge answer to prayer. I had really been struggling with the idea of  having to move out of the state for another job and leaving Kristin and David behind, but our answer at the beginning of the week seemed to solve that problem.   

Just as the weather changed unexpectedly, so did the answer to my prayer.  Kristin told me today that David is not really secure in his job here and would like to find another one.  He found several different things of interest and they are in Illinois and Wisconsin.  So depending on whose prayers God is listening to, we may not be living near them after all. 

I guess I need to go back and reread my "Letting Go" post.  again and again. 

Kim came home for her 3 day staff training talking nonstop about how much fun she had.  She is really excited to be working at O'Malley again and is looking forward to campers coming next week.  Kory is going to volunteer on Thursday nights to set up the sound equipment and run it for them.  He too was feeling very left out of the whole camp scene.

Tonight Kory and Bob are at our church attending a special program they are doing on a weekly basis.  It is a recovery program and for anyone dealing with loss, grief, addiction, stress, abuse, etc.  I am praying it will be a place for Kory to connect with others and learn that he does not struggle alone with issues. 

I am home ALONE and it sure is quiet!  No television playing or music thumping in the background.  All I can hear is Anna going from window to window whining about the chickens.  You would think after all this time she would get over it and just leave them alone.

Well I am off to walk on the treadmill.....my new summer tradition!

Workout

So yesterday Kim and two of her friends wanted to go to the Kroc Center (which is like the YMCA but run by the Salvation Army), so I decided instead of coming back home I would just stay and enjoy the facility.  It only opened last fall and it is pretty nice.  I spent most of my time on the treadmill and bikes.  I watched others on the ellipticals and decided I didn't want to make a fool out of myself.  They had several different types of bikes and I really liked the "spinning" one.  This "spinner" was so cool.  It had a screen and I biked along with the instructor who talked to me and showed me what to do the whole time.  It was like taking a class.  I ended up biking about 7-8 miles and walking/jogging almost 2.  Now if I could only be that motivated at home!!

Bob and I have been trying to walk every night with the dogs, but it just doesn't feel the same as being at a gym where there is this "unspoken" competition.  I can't even put my tennis shoes on now without both of the dogs running to the door and jumping.

So tomorrow is the day that I take Kim to camp for staff training.  It is going to be very emotional.  I am not  ready to give up believing that our camping days are over.  I keep praying for God to open the door to where He wants us to be.  Some people think we should just move on and leave it behind us.  I am open to that if God makes it clear that is what we are suppose to do. 

Can we say summer time!?!?  It is 95 degrees and will only go down into the 80's tonight.  It is preparing me for my Florida trip coming up in 13 days!

Shopping

It was a girls day yesterday as Kristin and I both were off work and Kim got off school early (on her last day), so we all went shopping together.  It certainly helped the blah feeling I have been struggling with as summer is approaching. 

This week marks a "new" thing for our family.  Kim will be heading off to work at camp for the summer and the rest of us will be HOME.  It will certainly be different to have the youngest MIA all summer.  She will be home on the weekends, but I am sure that will mean she will be at friends houses or we will have extras at our house.

Summer has arrived and the house is very warm.  I have debated turning on the air conditioner, but am trying to hold out.  It is 85 outside today and approaching that inside as well.  The nice part is at night it goes down to 50 which is beautiful. 

Bob is outside working on the yard.  The entrance to the driveway was so overgrown you couldn't see to pull out onto the road and a near miss the other morning prompted him to clear out the trees.  It seems like there is always something to keep him busy.  I think he really likes it that way.

I am getting excited about my solo trip to Florida in 2 weeks to see my parents.  I planned this before we decided to go to Florida as a family on vacation in July, so I get two Florida trips this summer. 
I won't be sporting a tan since all I ever do is burn.  It will be nice to spend some quality time with my parents. 

Sunshine

I pity anyone who was camping this weekend for Memorial Day.  It rained here everyday except today.  It sure made up for it being 90 degrees and sunny ALL day!  Thank you Jesus! 

We decided to go to the beach and celebrate Memorial Day with every other Michigander!  We took the top off the jeep and drove out to Grand Haven which is one of the most beautiful beaches (without Dunes).  We met Kristin and David out there and then after getting our fair share of the sun we went out to eat together.  How untraditional was that not to be grilling out with the rest of America?

I forgot my camera so I have no photos to post for the day.  I guess I could just post any photo of bikinis since that is what we were surrounded by.  We felt like we were at a frat party.  Seriously there were very few older people there.  Not like the Florida beaches where there are all ages. 

Kim wanted to get some color to start off her summer and since RED is a color she got some!  I coated myself with SPF 30 and will not be suffering tonight like those around me. 

Practice makes perfect

I guess after my last post of letting go I needed some testing in that area.  It has been a whole year (as of yesterday) that my first born got married and moved out of the house.  Yet the honeymooners are gone for a week in Florida for their first anniversary and I am feeling all melancholy.  It feels weird that they are on a vacation and it doesn't include the family.  Sounds strange I know...I am still in the process of learning to "let go".

Last week the kids and I were looking through some photo albums to locate a certain picture and reminiscing about all our family trips.  We used to do so much when they were younger.  Maybe this is where all the feelings came from.  We are not on this vacation together. 

Watching the weather channel last night and seeing the newest devastation in Joplin, Missouri was just sickening.  It seems like this is happening way too much lately.  I am sure the clean up efforts in the south are not even complete yet and now Joplin.  We had a severe thunderstorm warning, but thankfully only ended up with rain. 

After weeks of searching for a jeep, Kory finally found "the one".  It is a 2000 Sahara.  Only 13 years newer than the last one!  Hopefully it will last many more miles.  It is a sweet ride that even his momma will drive!  I couldn't handle the last one on the road as it was so squirelly.

So today we are off to the Secretary of State to pay the taxes and get the title and plates.  A learning lesson in financial responsibility! 

Kory went in last week for his post surgical appointment and the doctor said he should be good as new and to keep up with his physical therapy.  I am so thankful he didn't have to experience what Kristin and I have gone through.

Letting Go

Learning to let go has to be one of the hardest parts of parenting.  I have been told that I have always been a hover-copter parent.  I thought I always had a "reason" to be this way due to the circumstances at any given time.  I am slowly realizing that I have done them no favors always protecting them from the natural consequences of their actions.

For over 18 years I sheltered Kory from the things he didn't seem to be able to handle.  I was totally unaware of the reasons he withdrew whenever he was in an unfamiliar setting.  Could never put my finger on the reason he would stand before me when confronted with something and shut down.  Made excuses for his lack of participation in a group setting.

I never thought Kory would make it out of high school due to his grades and the horrible bullying he had to put up with.  It wasn't until he was almost done with high school he was diagnosed with Asperger's which is on the Autism Spectrum Disorder. 

The diagnosis hasn't changed any of the issues he has dealt with during his life, but it has given me the awareness that I must learn to let go and stop hovering so that he will be able to make it out there on his own.  It took until a few months ago for me to accept that I can't change or fix this problem.  I now have to change my focus and seek out resources for him to use to learn how he can navigate his way.

I am so thankful for The Gray Center support group. It has given me the support I need to take the right steps in letting go.

Double Trouble!

Just returned from an over night visit with Jane, Joe and the twins. They were here in Ann Arbor at her sisters for the weekend. When I arrived they both came running and gave my huge hugs. There is no doubt they will have a special place in my heart always. I can't believe it has been over a year that they moved away. Time sure does fly.

It was nice to catch up with Jane after the kids went to bed. We used to talk a lot during the day while I was at her house. I miss having a friend close by.

I received a call from the family I interviewed with and they offered me the job.  I will start sometime in July when she goes back to work.  Twins again!!!  The girls will be 5 in June and then there will be a little baby girl too.  Should be fun.  They live in Grand Rapids right in the city and you can walk to everything.  That will sure be a culture shock for me!  Who knows maybe it will change my mind about living in the city.

I have a week off in June from the family I currently work for so I decided to take a trip by myself to see my parents.  I booked a flight and will be enjoying some HOT Florida weather come June 20.  I can't wait.  It has been a year since I have seen them.  Living this far away really sucks.  It is not like we can jump in the car and go for a visit.  It is like 23 hours! 

Ok Michigan.....is it spring or is it not?  We had a few 80 degree days and warm nights.....now it is barely 60 and going down into the 40's tonight.  I need warm weather and sunshine.  This kind of deary crap is not good for the soul. 

Empty Nest

Yesterday Bob and I were up and out the door at 3am to drive 7 hours to southern Illinois.  We found another breeder for Zoe and had to act that day.  It was a beautiful drive mainly on little highways.  The weather was gorgeous...it was in the lower 90's.  The trees all had their leaves and the fields were being planted.  Funny how just that much farther south things are ahead of us.

So we get there and the lady takes us right out to meet the "stud".  Zoe is not a friendly kind of dog when she first meets people or other animals, so she immediately was nervous.  To make a long (and inappropriate) story short.........4 hours later and it was a no go.  Zoe would not have anything to do with him and it wasn't that he didn't try!

The timing has now passed and we will have to wait until the next heat cycle in 7 months.  We have decided we will probably buy a pup and that way she will be raised with him and "know" him so she won't be so difficult.

The drive home was not so peaceful as we drove through very severe thunderstorms and hail.  The wind was pretty wild at times.  Thankfully we made it home safely and just in time for the storms to catch up with us. 

God is definitely preparing us for the empty nest that is quickly approaching.  These little trips we had been able to make over the last couple of years has shown us that there is life on the other side of parenting.  I look forward to the day when we can make plans without having to worry about the kids.  At this point they rarely want to go with us anywhere except church or out of eat. 

I have interviewed for another nanny position which would be in addition to the one I currently have.  It is for twin girls who are almost 5 and their new sister coming sometime this month.  It seemed like a good match and I should hear something by the end of the week.  It would start in July.  I am praying for the doors to open if it is God's will. 

I was just thinking about how uneventful this May has been compared to last May when Kristin graduated from college and got married.  Kory graduated from high school.  My mom and Kayley were visiting for the whole month.  Kim and I were preparing to go work at another camp for the summer and Kory was leaving for another camp.  The photos above are just a walk down memory lane from a YEAR ago.  It is hard to believe it has already been a whole year!

Misadvertising

What a day or night I should say we had yesterday. Zoe is in her 3rd heat. I had been looking for a stud for months and finally found someone over in Detroit. The whole thing was planned out and we were taking her over there and dropping her off for the week. Bob thought it was funny that we were taking her there on Mother's Day to become a mother. So we headed out at 3:00pm with Kim driving since she needs the hours to get her license. To make a long story short....the lady wasn't honest and told me that her male was UKC registered when in fact he was not. So she tried convincing me it still just fine. We left her there and got about 1/2 hour away when I found out that no the pups could not be registered. So we turned back around and went and picked her back up. Kim earned a whopping 7 hours of driving time and I lost a full tank of gas which is costing those of us in Michigan 4.14 a gallon. I am back to square one with no options of breeding.

In times like this I have to sit back and ponder if God is trying to send me a message. I try so hard for something to work out and it just seems like there are so many road blocks. Do I give up or do I keep trying? There are many reasons why having pups right now would be a good thing and then there are those reasons where it might not be the best timing.

At church we are in the middle of a series called "The Epic Battle" and today's sermon was about Anger. On the way home I started to feel alittle angry due to the situation and from being tired of riding in the car for so long and I went back to the sermon notes and decided to just change my attitude about the situation. God can give me peace in any situation. I don't want to let bitterness destroy me. God has a plan and I am waiting on Him.

It is another beautiful day here in Michigan. The sun is shining and I have the windows open at 9:00am in the morning. I will take it! I am working today and plan on going outside to play with the kids. No more 4 walls!

Tiptoe through the tulips

It was such a beautiful day! Any day that we have sunshine in Michigan is a good day! I have really been struggling with living here in this lovely weather. If only there could be a camp in North Carolina, Tennessee, or Georgia looking for us!

Bob spent the day outside (of course) working on the yard and still going through stuff that he moved here but never put away. He installed a roost for the chickens and they are happily sitting upon it right now. I dawdled around the house in a funk. I guess it has to do with the holiday tomorrow. My mom is 1200 miles away and I really miss her. I wish we could live closer and it didn't take 22 hours of driving to there. See why NC, TN or GA would be nice!!!! I did get some beautiful flowers to hang on the porch and candles for decorate the garden tub.

After living in West Michigan for over 3 years now we thought it was high time we went to Tulip Time in Holland. The original idea was to go and hang out and see fireworks at dusk, but after wandering around taking pictures of tulips and eating junk food we were cold and decided to not to wait for fireworks. I guess we need to go out for one of the parades or shows to make it the real experience. It was really pretty with the streets lined with tulips of all colors. Of course cotton candy did add to the experience.

Kory is doing amazingly well. He can move his arm almost to 90 degrees without any aid. He starts physical therapy next week. He will see the doctor in 2 weeks to remove the stitches and see how he is progressing. He will be back to normal way sooner then we had expected which means we are now searching for a new jeep. We sold his old one due to many structural problems and thought he wouldn't be driving until after summer, so we wouldn't need one until then. He is taking one class (maybe 2) this summer and will be able to drive himself. YEAH mom won't have to be a taxi.

A New Day

I have read several blogs over the last few years and even tried blogging during our first summer at Camp Mel Trotter, but eventually drifted off and forgot about it. Today I decided it was time to put my fingers tot he keyboard and start journaling our adventures on this "Long and

Winding Road" that God has us walking.

Yesterday Kory joined the ranks of the shoulder surgery crew. He along with Kristin and I have all had surgery on our right shoulders. I was very nervous about how he would do and what they would find since both Kristin and I have had nightmare experiences. Kory's ended up being a piece of cake! The main reason for his pain was due to a bone spur that created scar tissue. He also had a small labral tear. He has no restrictions and does not even need to wear a sling! PRAISE GOD!!!! Last night he took one pain pill, slept in his own bed all night long and is doing great.

Our mini farm experience has been fun. The "babies" have been outside for a few weeks living in a little barn (soon to be red...hint, hint, hint). Today we decided they were big enough begin to free range. They are enjoying the freedom but keep coming back to the safety of the barn. We are counting down the days until we get eggs out of this investment.

We recently found a group www.thegraycenter.org that meets in Grand Rapids and Zeeland. They have a group that is for Young Adults and Teens with Aspergers. Each meeting they work on a social skill and have discussions. Kory was reluctant to go at first but has warmed up to the idea. Last Friday they did a game night where all the young adults gathered for food and games while the parents met separately to have fellowship. It has been a huge benefit for me to be in a group where I can talk with others in the same situation. I feel so relieved to finally not be walking this path alone.